Simon Says...

...We are dead. We are dead. (1978, Capricorn 1)

2005-09-03T23:12:00.001+01:00

82 - 41 - 9

We start filming next week. It's going to be really really busy but at the same time it will be interesting. The lead actress arrives from China in a couple of hours. On my "Bank Holiday" I am getting the house ready for her stay, flowers in her room, food in the fridge, nice things, which look really nice when you know what is coming, though I doubt that Nick would have said anything to her yet. Next week she will be living as an immigrant. Worse, she will be living as an immigrant who has a documentary crew following her.

Although it's getting really interesting I can't wait to finish. I envy my friends who have done NOTHING this summer. No jobs, no schedules, no worries, just days off, in bed, seeing their friends and having fun. At least when I go back to university I will have half of that life and half of what I have now.

Oh, and my camera phone broke, so now I have no camera phone moments to illustrate my adventures. Instead here is my best friend who has just celebrated his 20th birthday. Long Live Emeka.

... It's definitely very small in here (1988, Rainman)

2005-07-31T00:17:00.000+01:00

8-39-74

Long time since my last post. Lots of things have happened. Don't want to type much. A tornado hit the street where I live in Birmingham (though we didn't even realise until we looked up the road). I was given an ultimatum regarding working for nick vs. going back to university, and I met a small man in a service station car park. (F**KING IAN HISLOP!)

... maybe it's cos I'm irish.

2005-07-16T00:39:00.000+01:00

6-34-74

So many weird and wonderful events to note. The wonderful Haiping continues to make us laugh. Here you can see him with his milk producing friend.

I dropped my iPod the other day onto the treadmill in the gym, and the moving conveyor belt then catapulted the poor thing behind me. When I picked it up it was working at first but then it totally crashed and a picture of an iPod with a sad face appeared on the screen, along with a web address for the support site. When I went there though it said absolutely nothing about a sad face icon, or told me why when I tried to turn it on the hard disk would go mad and the iPod would shake on the table as if it were dancing. They have opened an apple store in Birmingham and I took it there and the nice man who worked there just exchanged it for a new one straight away. No worries just gave me the new one. While I was there I told him I had been quoted £700 to fix my screen on my laptop (there's a couple of white spots and a big fat dent in the back) and he said if he had the parts he would do it for free and just claim it as a warranty. That he did, and in a ridiculous 23 minutes. The repair is supposed to take over an hour but these guys like doing in by a clock and timing themselves. You gotta love apple geeks. So now I have shiny new iPod and Powerbook (screen). Maybe I will look after these ones a bit more.

The film Madagascar is quite shit. Not funny, not enough clever references and no amazing animation. Dreamworks should stick to Shrek.

Most interesting news ... Yesterday during lunch Jez asked me if what identification I had and then told me I had to go into the city, find a shop that rents metal detectors (he had spoke to them, and they required ID for insurance purposes) and then locate Nick. Quite surreal. Basically Nick was under cover with illegal immigrants, and although you would think they would spot him a mile away he managed to stay in a field surrounded by people all picking spring onions, and lots of respect to the guy because he was doing it, working as if he were one of them. Anyhow he dropped his new engagement ring and later realized and phoned Jez quite upset. So I got in the trusty Volvo and went to find him. The problem is that the farm he was on hires illegal immigrants, and also had four deaths last year so doesn't like to publicize it's location. I had to pretend that a friend had broken down and that he could see the farm and that I was trying to get to him. Even then with their directions I got completely lost and only found my way by following a random lady who said she was driving past it. Took me over an hour and a half to find the bloody farm though it didn't help that I kept telling people it was a strawberry farm and not a spring onion farm. Duh. When I got there I phoned and met Nick and then started to sweep the ground with this metal detector. The people around us became very suspicious ... how on earth could an immigrant get a friend to come out and meet him in a hidden location with a metal detector so quickly. They thought we were part of some sting involving the home office! We didn't have time for their shit though, and just hunted through our own, quite literally, as Nick had been all over the fields including to the next field and behind a bush where he had to take a crap. It was really weird sweeping the metal detector around human feces in a field. And for ages all we found were bits of wire, and old tools, and the odd 20 pence piece. Nick was ready to give up (he had to come to terms with losing it) but it wasn't worth just stopping so we carried on unhopeful. After an hour we were sweeping a huge pile of leaves from the spring onions and it kept beeping. We would move the leaves to look under and the signal would move with them. Therefore whatever it was picking up must have been bundled in with the leaves, and sure enough after about five minutes of separating them Nick pulled out his ring. He was delighted and gave me a hug (!) and kept saying how amazing it was. I'm a hero.

Though there is a total other experience I had that day at the same time and place, and that was seeing this field. There are hundreds of illegal immigrants, and tens of white minibuses just in the middle of no-where. They pick onions from the early morning, around about 6am, until 6pm in the evening. They are paid just £3.75 for a box of spring onion bunches. There are 100 bunches in a box, though these are larger than they end up in your supermarket. The small bunches that you buy cost you 50p each. So even if the bunches stayed as big as they are first picked that's £50 a box. More than a 1000% mark up on the original labour. Nick only managed 2 boxes that whole day but the Chinese will be able to do 10-12 so they earn about £40 a day or simply £3.75 an hour. They get no drinking water. They have no working toilet, instead they just crap in the next field. They work in the heat all day long. I'm glad I had that metal detector as it meant I could look straight at the floor. It made me feel so sad when I looked up at the people around me. It's disgusting when you hear of this happening abroad, but knowing that there isn't even "fair-trade" on our own doorstep is shocking. And no-one knows that the spring onions they eat from Tesco were picked in Birmingham by people who are paid such a crappy wage and treated so poorly. I am glad I am involved in this film. After finding Nick's ring we both went back to the Chinese gangmasters house, which was full of Chinese people just wandering around, as one group came in from work and went to bed (many mattresses on the floor) the others got up and went to work. They ate with their hands, no plates, knives or forks. They spoke no English, and sat on garden furniture. I won't forget this.

I am now on my train back to London, and Nick has given me Monday off so I have a long weekend. Hopefully Rachel won't note this and she'll pay me anyway. Alison starts her new job on Monday at the houses of parliament so I would like to go for a drink with her then but I don't know if she will want to. My brother passed his driving test so some celebrations are due this weekend. And on Tuesday I get to go out with the DOP searching for locations. The guy is a real pro so I should learn a lot from him. I'm going to start my new book now, I finished the last one by Morgan Spurlock about McDonalds and I;m counting the days until I next feel the urge to go in there.

... prayers with families of those injured yesterday.

2005-07-08T15:40:00.000+01:00

I don't usually talk about the news in my posts but some pretty news worthy things have happened. Two days ago we won the olympic bid, so they're coming to London! Then yesterday the big men were going to announce the fate of Africa in the G8 summit, but were halted when terrorists attacked London with bombs on busses and trains! 4 bombs in all (though we were told 7 for quite some time) killing 40+ people and injuring hundreds. Al Qaeda have admitted to it. Happening in 4 prime places in London everyone knows someone who was there or nearly there or who had a dog nearby, but thankfully no one I know was hurt by the incident.

I got the first news of the event by txt from my girlfriend just saying "turn on the news, they have evacuated the tube because of power surges". Then in true Speed style my mum sent me a txt simply saying "BOMB on bus in London". After that the news got worse and worse for hours. The minute I heard about bombs I cancelled my hotel weekend with my girlfriend in Kings Cross and decided to just stay safe at my parents house as normal, or possibly end up stuck in Birmingham for the weekend. Everything seems to have died down so I will attempt to get home but the tube is still out of action.

I was touched by how well the police and paramedics took to the scene, even a bus was taken off service to take people to hospital (the same type of bus that was blown up moments before). And all the londoners stayed fairly calm, no mass panic or hysteria, but instead orderly evacuation. We were so ready for it I think that everyone knew exactly what to do. Saying that I have just been into the high street here in Kings Heath, in Birmingham, and we were shopping for stuff in WH Smiths, when we were evacuated because of a possible bomb in a kids bag. Any other day they would have just handed it into the customer service desk but because 200 miles away there has been bombs on the mass transit system in the capital city, they consider it a possibility that the terrorists may also be trying to bomb newsagents in high streets. Not only that but there is a massive indian communtiy here, surely it wouldn't be very effective if they killed that many muslims. This mass paranoia is exactly what the terrorists want.

Got to be thankful for all the people who checked up on me despite the fact I was so far away. News travels very quickly, and I had checks from friends in New Zealand and China by text message and emails from random people in the states who I have been talking to regarding the film we are making.

I will end with the stupidest comment i heard yesterday and possibly all week ... "Do you think if Paris had won the Olympics it wouldn't be us who got bombed" copyright Jo the idiot co-ordinator who I work with 2005.

... 12 weeks to go

2005-07-05T18:17:00.000+01:00

5 - 32 - 72

After sneaking into Live 8 I realized that I really miss having a decent camera. The one I used when I went traveling was completely dead, and my mobile phone had too many limitations (like the fact it was a real mission to get photos onto my computer). £150 set me up with a great new camera that does what the old one does but is smaller, newer, and cooler. Not only that but Blogger now lets me upload photos much easier than before so on the right you will see one of my first efforts. From left to right, myself, Alex, and Vito, standing on Alex's tiny balcony, 13 floors up in the Euston area of town.

Other than that I went to see War of the Worlds at the cinema which was quite good, and I'm now stuck back in Birmingham which is quite crap. It's raining (although that's not specific to Birmingham) and the novelty has definitely worn off. Yesterday I had to drive my new production vehicle, the big blue van, to get it modified so that I could legally drive it. At 20 I can't take more than 8 passengers, so to get the insurance I have to remove 4 of the 12 seats. How bizarre.

I miss home, I miss being warm, I miss doing nothing, I miss my girlfriend. But not all that bad because I only have 12 weeks to go. (NB that's longer than the dirty shagging big brother housemates have to stay in their house).

... make poverty history

2005-07-03T01:07:00.000+01:00

5 - 32 - 71

Show your support for the end of poverty in Africa by going to www.live8.com and signing their petition. It will happen. Oh and if I hear one more stupid pop star say "Today we are going to change history" I swear I will buy a gun and hunt them down. Without a time machine they can not possible change history. Instead what they could say is "Today we are going to MAKE history", as the concert will surely be remembered. Also, if they were going to change history doing it today would be pointless, why not just go back far enough to stop things before they got bad. Idiots.

... I got into Live 8!

2005-07-03T00:49:00.000+01:00

5 - 32 - 71

Yes, I shit you not, I managed to sneak my way into Live 8! Today I had to go into London to get an iPod for my brothers birthday, and planned to go watch the gig on one of the big screens somewhere in London. However, when I got to Trafalgar it was full of homos taking part in gay pride instead! The same in Leicester Square! So I met up with Alex and he said someone he knew had managed to get in, so ever the optimists we thought we would give it a go. I had a map from the Sun newspaper showing everything including all the toilets, food stalls, etc. The set up at the park consisted of a perimeter fence patrolled by guards and police, followed by a 6ft high metal railing fence, then a 10ft high wooden fence. Once past all these you were then only in the staff area behind all the food stalls and would surely be spotted. We saw one half drunk guy covered in blood who said he had run at the fence and got grabbed and beaten by the cops so decided this wasn't really our option. We did half a lap around and decided our best bet was to go through the underground car park that is on Park Lane and hope for a fire exit into the park. We had to sneak past a cop on the entrance to the car park while she was destracted, work our way through rat runs, through the car park, and then avoid the security guards and hope for an exit. Eventually we found one but when we came up it had only taken us inside the first perimeter fence. We just sat there thinking what to do, with a view of one of the big screens, so at least we had got somewhere. Then for no reason this securit guard came up to us, and randomly said "They'll let you in if you try now"!! So we walked up to the next fence, where a guy just checked our bags, and then we walked straight in!! Got in as Travis were playing so we had missed the first 10 acts, but stayed for the second ten and then had to leave before the finale to get the last train home (it ran over by 2 and a half hours!). The Killers were cool, and Sting, but the best entertainer was Robbie who pretty much had the whole crowd going. It will be cool to tell my kids that the concert that changed the world I was at, and my girlfriend was at, and I managed to get in by sneaking through a car park! I rock!

... Going home now

2005-07-01T00:48:00.000+01:00

5 - 32 - 70

I'm on my way home from Birmingham, gonna stop off for some Tapas with my girlfriend on the way, but then going straight to bed. I'm really tired. Using the gym everyday has made my body fitter, but it is a strain and I think I'm starting to smell from all the sweating despite many showers. My diet is fairly messed up as well, we had dinner last night at midnight which can not be healthy. Will try and force myself to eat all meals before 9pm next week. Shouldn't be too long and Nick and Gina will go to China so I can have a few relaxing days.

This weekend is Live 8, Bob Geldofs latest save the world concert, and it will do really well but is likely to have lots of stupid pop acts playing. Alison won tickets so she is going which means I won't see her this saturday, but I might try and watch the concert myself in Trafalgar Square. Nick told me today that his son is actually filming there! On stage! I offered myself as a no-pay assistant but doubt it can happen. Barney lives a really cool life. He has nothing to worry about.

... I want to go home

2005-06-29T00:45:00.000+01:00

5 - 32 - 70

There seems to be a lot of bad feelings in the house at the moment. Yesterday Nick had a shouting row at Hsinyi and made her cry! And today I overheard that Wei no longer works for us (I can only assume he has been sacked). Doesn't bother me too much, I will happily take shouting from Nick, I know he doesn't mean it because what could someone who is employed for making tea and coffee actually do wrong. Today the house is quite empty, but we are waiting for Nick to arrive. He'll definately be happy when he sees the van we bought yesterday at the auction.

I really miss home at the moment, or at least I miss doing nothing. Here we are constantly working, and I miss just being able to watch TV. I really miss my girlfriend as well. This must be hell for her, and I constantly think to myself how crap a boyfriend I must be. I'll make it up to her eventually. Going to go to the gym tonight for circuit training. Looking forward to my weekend and I'm only half way through the week.

... in need of sleep

2005-06-28T23:01:00.000+01:00

5-32-70

I didn't end up having to go to Birmingham on Saturday. When I got to Tower Hill I phoned Bobby the landlord again and he finally answered. After a few apologies he told me he had already been in and checked and all was fine. So I got back on the train and went to Lakeside, so now I'm wearing some nice new summer shorts/trousers and sandals/flip flops. Went to see Batman Begins this weekend, which was really quite good. The director really nailed it with the look and feel, and the next couple of films could be really good. Completely different approach to Tim Burton, but that's what was needed. Got to see Alison that night which was really nice, but worried that she's not well. Then on Sunday I got tickets for Alison, Emeka and myself for the comedy store in Leicester Square. Was hilarious, though I did laugh at one Stephen Hawkin joke a bit too much. This morning I am on the train to Birmingham, though not without a disaster incident between the time I woke up and the time I got on the train. I'd left my notebook at Alex's flat so had to jump in a cab, go back, get it, get back in the cab and get to the station. Was okay as I often leave with time to spare for such happenings, but the damn cabbie lied when he said the cab was a minimum charge of £3.50 for credit card use, when what he meant was it was an additional charge. I'd have got the cash from a cash point. Cost me a tenner for that damned notebook which Alex could have probably dictated to me over the phone for free. Not only that but on the train I noticed I had left my phone charger at home, so will have to spunk £20 on a new one in Birmingham. Sucks man. Won't see Nick for a few days, so should be easy work. Will watch "The Incredibles" special features on the train now.

... if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

2005-06-25T22:54:00.000+01:00

It's Saturday, and although I came back from Birmingham last night I'm now on my way back there. I think I left the oven on. This isn't a joke. I'm so worried, and there is so little I can do about it, but I won't stop worrying unless someone checks. The only person who is nearer who can get into the house is Bobby the landlord who turns his phone off at weekends. His office was open but the guy there speaks no English, and gave me two different numbers which were meant to be Bobby's but ended up being his dad and brother! So now I have bothered his whole family on their weekend. They are trying to contact him, but I can't sit around so while they are doing that I'm on the train. Hopefully he will call me before I get on the Birmingham train (and pay £25 for the ticket plus another £15 for a taxi to the house). I feel so shit.

Other news includes the fact that I joined the gym near to the house, so will go there most nights to get away from the others. I also really wanna build up my body so I can play rugby in October. Worked out a bit too hard the first couple of times and my muscles are tired and painful even now. Jez showed me some ridiculous peck exercises that hurt so much.

Jo is becoming increasingly annoying. If she ever touches me (which she does from time to time, on the shoulder or back as she is talking to me) it sends shivers up my spine and makes me feel sick. She is so obnoxious and really ugly. I sound like a stupid kid now though. Every thing I do she has a better way of doing it. When she comes and hovers over me I just let her do it, I can't be bothered to argue with her. Though she did say that she fired someone at her last job, which is so crap. I don't know who she thinks she is, she's just a secretary, and not a very good one at that.

Nick gave me a phone number to ring the other day to do some research ... it was the office of Michael Moore! Not only that but when I was cleaning up his address book he had lots of cool people in there ... Richard Curtis, Molly Dineen, and bloody Bob Geldof! Wonder if I could give him a bell to get some tickets for Live 8.

Only rather interesting story is that Nick took me, Tom and Hsinyi to a kara oke (Jez insists it's two words) bar to find Chinese actors. It was really funny, especially when Nick would occasionally break into song. Oh, and Nick is apparently engaged to his girlfriend. If he was a bit younger (in his 40's) it would be considered a mid-life crisis, but I think he is past that stage now. Good luck to them. Would be very funny if I got invited to the wedding.

I hope the house isn't on fire.

... The Big Broomfield House

2005-06-22T22:39:00.000+01:00

Nick and Jez are out shopping, Jo and Tom are at an internet cafe, so I'm free for a few minutes. Yesterday when I was making lunch I sliced a tomato and the knife went straight through the end of my left thumb. Like a hot knife through butter I didn't even feel the knife cutting, but then quickly realized and went to the sink to rinse it clean. I told Gina but she didn't understand what I was saying until she saw me bleeding. She rushed out to get plasters but then I noticed how deep the cut was. I went outside to get air and everyone was fussing over me, telling me to hold my head up, lay down, apply pressure, and I was in a daze. Then Nick came and told me to lay on the bed, and he gave me a cup of tea with honey in it and told me to drink it. Then he got his dinner plate and came and sat with me to keep an eye on how I was. I couldn't understand why they were all making such a fuss, but later Tom told me he had never seen anyone with a face coloured like mine. Apparently I was green! When I had got over the shock Jo took me to A&E to get it stitched up. Had I cut anymore the end would have come off. So now I have to wear a bandage for the next five days without it getting wet. More embarrassing then painful but nice to know they all cared. This morning Nick gave me a bottle of nice smelling men's perfume as a present for the "ordeal" I went through yesterday. If anything I thought I owed him a present for the havoc I caused.

Other than that Jez had to drive up late yesterday with the car so I have something to drive. The poor guy had to get here and stay in the silly bathroom with a bed in it next to Gina's room, and without any clothes or wash kit with him. I lent him a T-shirt which looks quite good on him but I don't think it's his kind of thing.

The adventures of living with Nick Broomfield continue.

... Birmingerham

2005-06-21T16:31:00.000+01:00

5-32-70 ... Driving Time to Birmingham - approx 3 hrs 30 mins

Last week on Thursday I got a phone call at about 8am. Gina was phoning to tell me that she had insured me on her car and when I got to the office in Sussex I was to drive her car from there to Birmingham as soon as I could. I'd forgotten how tiring driving can be. Then when I got to Birmingham about 4 hours later I was told that I would be staying there that night. Nick had got me a toothbrush as a present but it was hardly compensation for what I have discovered my summer will consist of. Nick has decided to relocate the film which means we have to all live in Birmingham. Not only that but for now we are all sharing this one big house. As I type I am waiting to use the "boys shower" because Nick is having his bath (I was about to go in, and he was also walking towards the bathroom... I stepped back and he said "I'll only be two minutes" so assuming he was just using the toilet I just sat on the stairs. Then I heard him splashing in the bath so I gave up). Because we are all living together work doesn't ever stop. I was at IKEA Last night until ten thirty buying furniture. Ironically the film we are making is about the work habits of the chinese immigrants, and I am currently sharing a room with a chinese guy called Hai Ping who I rarely understand. May I also note that we are the only people sharing a room ... everyone else has their own double bedroom, and we are on two single beds in the dining room. Really puts a production runner in his place. Worst of all was having to break the news to my girlfriend. It's not nice to have to tell her that in a few days you will be moving too far away to see her often and you have to share a house which makes phone calls very awkward. She's supportive of course, but I know that I am a shit boyfriend.
Upsides include knowing that we will be moving into apartments in a month which means I get my own self contained flat here in birmingham (whoop-de-do) and today I have to hunt for a rental car, so I also get my own transport. Then of course the company picks up all bills, rent, food, travel, so my wages are just going to be building up in the bank. It should be a great experience and I'm getting paid, and there is an end to it which I'm sure will come much quicker than you would normally experience time (especially if I was working at TGI Fridays). As long as I try hard to keep my weekends I will stay sane. x

...how high?

2005-06-14T23:47:00.000+01:00

4-31-68 ... Days worked - 12 ... Days left in flat - 3

Things are going well with Lafayette Films (Nicks production company, but also the name of the big shopping centre I went to in France where they sold Truffles). I like the people - most of the time, and I really like the job, it will teach me a lot. One of the key things I've learnt already though is that I won't work my way up the ranks to become someone like Nick Broomfield. It just doesn't work like that. You don't work your way up to become a director. Apparently you always are a director, and you work your way up the budget ladder, working on low budget films that lead to better jobs. So therefore as soon as I finish my degree I have to make my own film, and then go from there. That doesn't mean that working for Nick is a waste if I won't work my way up his company, as I will learn a lot about how to make films from him. Also this week I may have to go to Molly Dineen's house! She's another documentary maker who we studied, and she has a death threat from Eugene Terreblanche to Nick on cassette somewhere that we need to find. Bizarre but very cool.

Also this week I have been packing my things because I move to my uncle's on Sunday, I have visited a swanky cinema called The Rex (no box office, just a guest list that I got my name on through one of my collegues) and I've been involved in a bar fight at the student union beach party! Some guy from my course came up to me ridiculously drunk and got in my face and said "If you ever insult one of my films again I'll fuck your face up!" I had said I didn't like his film because it was too abstract and not justified, and when I saw Lex (a girl who I thought was a friend who was in the film, and also this guys girlfriend) I told her that the widescreen wasn't very flattering as it made everyone look fat. He had been dwelling on this for over a month, then came up to me when he saw me. I stood up and told him to f**k off, and he backed up and said he was just talking to me, but then when I sat back down he grabbed me in a headlock! I wrapped my arms around him and threw him to the floor (he fell over real easily because of the alcohol) and I left him there. But then he came back and grabbed me again, so this time my friends jumped in and pulled him off. I wasn't gonna hit the guy because he was so drunk it would have knocked him out, or worse there would have been blood everywhere. I'd have been the bad guy. It was just as easy to walk away from him, and then the lights came on and the bouncers kicked him out. I didn't have a bruise on me, and learnt quickly which of my friends have got my back. Scott was straight there, and ended up getting hit by the guys friends (who were no where to be seen when he was on the floor, and they happily went back into the club when he got chucked out. Obviously good friends.) With an attitude like that, where he goes up to people and starts fights because he is bitter that they didn't like his film, he'll end up with a career serving behind a till somewhere. Hopefully the summer will change him.

Anyhow, I'm over it, I got a great summer to look forward to. I should sleep now though because I have to leave early in the mornings.

Simon

... I'm working for Nick

2005-06-02T22:59:00.000+01:00

4-29-63 ... Days worked - 3 ... Train Journey Duration - 50mins

Although I had planned to keep a DAILY diary, it's not quite that easy because I am absolutely exhausted! I was running in training for the marathon virtually every day, but I havn't been since I started work. It just takes it out of me, though I don't really do that much. I make cups of tea when I get there at about 9:45, go out about an hour and a half later to get food for lunch, I make lunch (was fajitas today because they don't eat package meals or sandwiches), and use the car for pick ups and drop offs, though the car is worrying considering it is ridiculously old and quite crappo, then I fuss about with other things and usually leave around 18:30. But things are gonna be stepping up a notch, I have to show some Chinese lady around the brothels in Soho (I don't understand why) and I will be the runner and driver when they are shooting on location. This is probably the best and worse part, as I get to live in a hotel and become fully engrossed in the project, but it means I won't get to see my girlfriend which makes me sad even thinking about it.

Today after thinking I had annoyed Nick (I had asked too many details when he requested something, he prefers you to just do it and not bother him) I made up for it with lunch which seemed to impress him, and he invited me to sit in on the edit which until now has been a do not disturb area to everyone other than himself and the editor and a.editor. I didn't really give any input, but watched enthusiastically and was generally interested. There was one point when I stared at Nick and thought to myself "Oh my God, I'm in an edit room with Nick Broomfield, working on a film". It was like being in the DVD special feature (which is exactly what it is). And I think I may actually get creditted as Production Runner which is amazing considering it is a proper film, and it will have few credits because of the small production team.

I should go because I need to sleep.

Simon

... Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained

2005-05-19T22:14:00.000+01:00

4-24-58 ... Weekly Pay - £300 ... Weekly Train Ticker - £72.80

My academic year is now over. I handed in my last essays today and will not have to think about studies again until September. Screening the film I had been working on brought a nice end to the project, and I'm glad I don't have to sit through my terrible acting any more. I look forward to finding out the mark we got though, we worked really hard. The week after the screening was the Nick Broomfield Q&A that I had been setting up. Only a third of the people who had booked tickets actually turned up which was really disappointing, you stick your neck out and work hard with no actual reward and the people you are doing it for don't even appreciate it. And then you have to sit through questions like "why did you put Biggie's name before Tupac's on the DVD?" (to which Nick replied "it's alphabetical". Legend). I doubt I will be trying to do something for the university in the near future. However, I guess I was rewarded with lunch with Nick and my lecturer (at Whetherspoons! Rock on), and then I spoke to Nick and was happily told that I have a summer job! They took my details so that they could insure me on all their vehicles, and they have made an offer of £300 a week! This is before tax, but I doubt being a student I will pay much, and I won't have to worry about rent because I still have my university residence and then I will be living with family. They also asked if I could use a camera, with the intention that I may be filming a diary of their production possibly for use on a DVD release! That would be really fantastic for me.

With this good news I cancelled my work experience with Big Brother, which had been cut down to two weeks after I complained to Peter Bazelgate (the head man at Endemol) about slave labour ethics during a Q&A with him at LSE university. Whoops. And I booked a holiday in Paris with my girldfriend for when she finishes her exams. We won't be seeing much of each other over the summer and have had a hard few weeks so a couple of days away will be nice.

I didn't mention during my last post that I've decided that I'd like to run next years marathon. Since the last marathon I've been running at least 4 times a week, and have certainly improved my fitness. I've lost some weight and my recovery time is much shorter, and my diet no longer allows crappo student food like chinese buffets or chicken and chips. It may turn into nothing but hopefully next year I'll be raising lots of money for charity.

That ends this post, but I'll be posting much more regularly when I am working to keep a real diary of my "adventures".

Simon

... Cross your fingers

2005-04-21T00:19:00.000+01:00

Score ... 2-19-41 ... Interviews this week ... 2 ... Miles in a Marathon ... 26

A few weeks of engaging work has kept me from being motivated to post anything, but there is so much to say. The road trip to Wales went well, cost us around £200 (though I still havn't given Alex my half), and had us working 18 hours in one day, and in each other's constant company for a whopping 75 hours! We would have killed one another if it hadn't been for our fantastic wit and comedy timing that had us in fits of laughter throughout the entire production process. We are now editing and it will hopefully turn out well.

I also celebrated 3 years with my girlfriend and her 20th birthday recently. Was a good few days. Since then I have been searching and searching for jobs. After a bit of a dry spell during our filming I got phone calls from Endemol and Nick Broomfields assistant with invites to interviews. I had to travel to Elstree for the Big Brother one, though it was hardly worth it. The interview lasted all of 10 minutes and they only asked me two questions, the first being "give us five words that describe you" ... stupid question but a sensible answer would have been "punctual, hard-working, motivated, intelligent, and sociable" but on the spot I answered with "happy, out-going, confident, weary" and I can't remember the other one. But "WEARY"! how stupid is that. I came out of the interview confident they had their man, unfortunately they had him before I'd even entered the office and my interview was just sped up because I had already lost out.

On Tuesday however, things were much better. I went to Sussex for an interveiw at Nick's House! It was an old water mill that had been converted. Blew me away, he even had a tree growing out of the ground in his kitchen! Met his production staff, and got a tour of his grounds, including a view of some old editing machines. Even if I don't get the job (I doubt I will) the experience was amazing. And the interview was actually about me, lasted an hour and a half, asking everything from what I like to do to what my parents do for a living. If I don't get it I'll still be happy I gave it a good shot, and will feel that they obviously weren't looking for someone like me. Though on the off chance that I do get the job my summer will be spent largely in Brighton staying with my Uncle and working with one of the best Documentary film makers ever.

Oh, and lastly, I may be working on a new website soon for the university, as a resource for finding work in media. If I get a job this summer maybe I'll be able to give advice to others.

Chow for now.
Simon

... Nick Broomfield coming to South Bank

2005-03-20T17:53:00.000Z

Score ... 1-13-31 ... Times met Nick ... 3 ... Picture in this post ... 0

I'm now on my month long Easter holiday (which is ridiculous), and although I did look for work, and find it in the form of a work experience slot for FHM.com which I turned down, I have ended up with nothing but lazy days in the fantastic sunshine. At the beginning of April I'll be road tripping to Wales with Alex to shoot our film but apart from that my days are just wasting away.

Today I stalked Nick Broomfield again at a film Q&A which was really interesting, as well as going to see him at a book signing earlier this week (where I should note he wrote in my book "thanks for making these signings such fun") so I've now managed to make definate his lecture at my university which will be taking place on May the 16th. We're showing Biggie and Tupac hoping to get a big South Bank audience. Then hopefully he will take me on as an apprentice for the summer. Fingers crossed considering all my other job attempts lately have been unsuccessful.

Finally I must make known the ridiculous actions of Richie Arnold this week. Richie is an Irish guy at my university who is known for his mad comments ... "leather doesn't burn so does that mean you can't set a cow on fire?", "do they have water in France?", and commenting on world politics "why do we need to change anything when everything is great here?" obviously unaware of the third world ... who this week placed a bid on eBay for an executive producer credit on a film. The film is an independent documentary about an Irish baseball team. He would have a cameo in the film, get 10 copies of it on DVD, a T-Shirt, a certificate, a day with an Irish baseball team though no actual royalties from the film. For this he bid £500! Considering no one else wanted this auctioned item he won the bid, and now owes them the money, which they have threatened to take him to court over if he doesn't pay it. £500! You could do so much with that money! After we grilled him about it he did regret it, and tried to cancel it, but the best they would offer him was to reduce it to £250 and take away all of the freebies he would get. So virtually £250 for nothing. Most ridiculous of all, Richie refuses to buy a girl a drink in a bar as it is an unjust waste of money! See the ebay site here or the film website here.

... Long time no blog

2005-03-11T23:50:00.000Z

Score...1-11-27 ... Cheques paid in today...£1030

More than a month Ladies and Gentlemen! I was intent on doing this nightly or at least weekly, but so you know I gave up whilst I was waiting for an adapter to transfer pics from my phone to my computer but after trying to find one for ages it turns out you can not get them! But the time has come (because Alex keeps nagging me) to update myself. Firstly I quit the animation job for good. I no longer work with them. Today I got a whopping £1000 cheque so drinks are on me. After that I did two days work on Big Brother auditions, and will be applying for a job with them after I have finished this post. There is so much I could talk about (the naked lady, the midget or the severly disabled who applied) but unfortunately my contract swore me to secrecy. Damn it.

This week I found out that Nick Broomfield (famous documentary maker) was in Oxford Street so to take the mick I got a cameraman and a sound guy to come down to the store with me and hassle him for an interview. The top bloke agreed to come to my university and do a talk with us so hopefully I might even get some work with him. (see the photo). Credits to George and Trevor, couldn't have been done without them, and we have decided that we will use are threesome to hassle more celebrities for pointless interviews.

Scrabble players have vastly increased lately so we can no longer be victimised as a minority group as the butt of people's jokes because now I have played scrabble with alex, amber, matt, mike, mark, scott, trev, aaron, richie, jamie, kate, hattie, stella, fran, and douf. That's more than the number of players for any sport team (except American Football maybe).

Today is Comic Relief which must be my least favourite charity simply because they lure you in with the funny programmes, then guilt trip you with the worst stories of people in Africa who are close to death to the point that you can no longer find anything funny. Yes it works, they raise lots of money, but can't they just make a TV channel with all the comics on it then use the revenue from advertising products of capitalism (MacDonalds and Pepsi) and give that to the people that need it. The comics are still working for free that way, we still get to laugh, and they make loads of money but without anyone feeling bad.

Finally, Alex and I are writing a kick ass film for our next project about two guys on a road trip from Wales to London. It will be fantastic. Watch this space.

Love to all.
Simon

... I-N-T-E-N-S-E

2005-02-10T22:51:00.000Z

Score...1-6-15...Last Move In Scrabble Score...73

Just quickly on todays news ... people are trampled trying to get into a new IKEA store at midnight! They had special open day offers and 6000 people turned up. Most shockingly typical was two women on the news who said that their elderly mother had been trampled and was on the floor. I felt a lot of sympathy for these women ... until they said that they only noticed that their mother was missing after they had gotten inside the store! Who in their right mind would drag their elderly mother to IKEA at midnight, and then leave her outside to get trampled so they could get a discounted sofa?

...S-I-M-O-N

2005-02-09T18:18:00.000Z

Score...1-6-14...Songs on iPod...6930...1p coins on my desk...37

Havn't made an entry for a while because I was waiting for an infrared port to come for my computer so I could upload photos. It arrived this morning but sadly it doesn't work with my Mac! I could get a refund for the purchase price, but that was only £3.99. The shop is in Birmingham which will cost a fiver to mail to so it's just not worth it. Anyhow, still got photos to show you. Here you can see a recent Scrabble rack (exciting isn't it!).

For general news I didn't get the editro job at the newspaper which I had applied for. My application was excellent, one of the best they had read but I lost out due to lack of experience. Quite sad. On the other hand I have got my contract for the animating job now, and a supposed £400 a month! I've decided I want to make a sitcom one day, and even thinking about doing one while I'm at uni based on students living in university residence. It's been long enough since the Young Ones and the idea is completely new ... the point is that in your halls of residence you are thrown in with random people, from all over the world and expected to live together. You are all in individual cell like rooms, everyone built identically, but each with a unique personality attached to them. So I will just create a group of real misfits (much like people I know in halls already) and write episodes based around them. Filming should be really easy as we already have the set.

Went to see Jaws last night on the big screen at the National Film Theatre. Although embarassed to say, I had never seen it before. I really enjoyed it, and can't relate to all the comments about the shark looking fake, I thought it looked great for when it was made.

Lastly Donkey Konga is amazing. But I will write more about that when I upload the Donkey Konga Photos.

... don't drink and study

2005-02-01T23:19:00.000Z

Score ... 1-5-11 ... Scrabble Single Turn Score ... 108

Not a lot to say today, but thought everyone should see this photo. I took it today in my lecture. I sit about four rows from the front, so am always in view by the speaker. This guy was infront of me, so he too was perfectly visible by the speaker. I am guessing the speaker failed to notice the drink this guy had on the desk ... a blue WKD! For those who don't know it's an alcoholic drink similar to Bacardi Breezers or Smirnoff Ice. What's even more shocking is that the drink is not available nearby, so this guy must have bought it with him to the lecture, cracked it open and started drinking fully aware of what he was doing. Welcome to Southbank University.

As for my recent Scrabble score, I opened with the word Queen, the Q on the double letter, and the whole word doubled, so scored almost 50 in my first turn. Alison more or less gave up straight away, which was just as well because later I was graced with both blanks, an S, a K, and a few other letters. I managed to put the S onto the end of one word, and line myself up for REWORKS running over the triple word score and the K on a double letter score. So ... 30 points for the K, 21 for the other letters, 7 points for the word I added the S to and a bonus 50 for using all my letters. 108 total. So proud. But it shows I am a complete geek.

I am gonna try and add photos on a regular basis now, all from my phone, only problem is I don't have an IRDA port on my laptop so have to borrow a friends to send files. (Thanks Keeley). HAve started reading The Da-Vinci Code, but won't waffle on about it because I am far behind reading fads and everyone else got excited about it ages ago.

... I am shocked

2005-01-28T14:17:00.000Z

Score ... 10-5 ... Things that have shocked me today ... 3

In the last half an hour I have been continuously shocked. I walked to the bus-stop to check the bus map, and find what bus I need to get when I go out tonight. To do this you search for your destination, or destinations near it on an alphabet list, then it says the bus number next to it. A 30+ year old man was sitting there, fairly shabby clothing, a beard, mixed race skin, and a wooly hat. As I looked at the names near to him the following conversation took place ...
Simon - "Sorry man, I'm just looking at the bus map" (said politely)
Man - "Then you say excuse me" (which is more or less what I had said)
Simon - "Ok? Excuse me can I look at the map"
Man - "No. You can go away." ... I ignored him ... "What are you looking for?"
Simon - "Ladbroke Grove, Notting Hill"
Man - "Number 12, now go away"
Simon - "I'd just like to look at the map"
Man - "Yeah well I've told you to go away, why are you still here?"
Simon - "I'm just looking at the public bust map" (now quite annoyed)
Man - "Why are you being sarcastic? Public Bas Map?!?"
Simon - "Because you are having a go at me, when all I have done is looked at a map"
Man - "Yeah well I'm gonna thump you in a minute cos that's the kind of person I am"
Simon - " ... " (shocked)
Man - "I havn't got time for you" then gets on a bus.
Simon - " ... " (Still shocked)

... sick TV shows

2005-01-28T13:25:00.000Z

This week channel 4 have been screening a series called Anatomy For Beginners, where they take recently dead people and disect them on TV to show the different functions of the body. They slice the skin and pull it off in a single piece, like they were skinning animals. They put a hose into the mouth and show the lungs inflate when air is pumped in. And last night they actually showed the 'wonders' of reproduction. Dead foetus and baby bodies. Slicing a penis down the middle, or removing a testicle. This is not normal television viewing. It got me thinking though, this stuff is really disturbing, and maybe a great film could be made by someone watching a sick show like this and then being driven to commit horrific crimes, like disecting bodies for themselves. Silence of the lambs sick style. Showing direct influence and copying of films. The purpose of the movie would be to show that the killer was always mental, and that it is not the media to blame by deliberately making it look like the show made him commit the crimes. The media has been to blame many times, they blamed the Childsplay movie for the killing of the young child by two teenage boys. They blamed Marilyn Manson for the Columbine Massacre. So why not make a movie about a person, possibly even a child, commiting crimes based on what they see on TV, not because of what they see on TV, but because they are mental! Copyright Simon Smith.

... stuff about a year ago

2005-01-26T16:34:00.000Z

Score ... 8-5 ... Days Since Bungee Jump 368 ... Days until I start lectures ... 5

It's been over a year since I did a bungee jump. This time last year I was mid-travelling and loving every minute of it. I climberd a glacier, bungee jumped and had an all you can eat sausage buffet for a quid. Ok there was only sausages, bread, rice and leaves on the table but I got more than my moneys worth. It's been over 3 years since I started seeing my girlfriend. This time three years ago I was learning to drive and going to pubs more often than I do now. This week, this year I am going to meeting after meeting, sending emails constantly and being a general grown up. I'm enjoying games of Scrabble (actually it was a year ago that Alison and I started playing Scrabble). This post doesn't really have a meaning.

... M-E-S-S-I-N-G 64 Points!

2005-01-23T18:24:00.000Z

Score ... 8-5 ... Scrabble Scores ... S 349 - A 224 (573) & S 333 - A 281 (614)

Today I re-discovered the wonders of Scrabble with my friend Alex. We deliberately sought out a coffee bar to play in, thinking we could come up with film ideas, purely so in 10 years time after receiveing a big award, we can say that the film idea came to us during a game of Scrabble in a coffee shop, and also that we had deliberately sat down and played Scrabble to come up with a film idea so we could quote it 10 years later (if that makes any sense). Questionable words include GITE (a small French cottage), PEDALING (actually spelt with two Ls if it is meant to be in the sense of "to pedal" but acceptable according to an online Scrabble word source), and SUPINE (to be laying on your back) though to be honest, we didn't take much time questioning any of them. We didn't come up with many film ideas either, though I would really like to include Scrabble into a film. Either as a thing that the main characters do on the side, as a subplot, or as the main essence of the film, but I wanna avoid "Blackball" or "Innocent Moves" style films solely based on an unusual competitior being good at the game. Perhaps a documentary about the unseen worlds of Scrabble.

I got a letter this morning asking if I wanted to do some work-experience style stuff for the local council ... it involves designing a brochuer for 10-14 year olds advertising the leisure facilites in the area. It lasts until July, and is one afternoon a week. I will be paid a £2000 bursary, which is fantastic. I also get to work with Spirit Advertising, which is a foot in the door. The only downside is that I already do a degree, and am working for QIUK which is 10 hours a week. I just don't wanna turn it down, because it is being offered to me on a plate, and if I accept this the same people will offer me more work. I have to decide by Tuesday so watch this space.

... quit complaining

2005-01-19T17:20:00.000Z

Current Scores...7-4...Chav Rating...18%...Grapes In My Fruit Bowl...7

Where can you draw the line with being funny and being offensive? The editor of The Onion said that she would joke about rape providing it was funny. The Jerry Springer Opera includes a song called "Bring On The Klan", and the latest Trey Parker and Matt Stone offering give us Team America which includes "Everyone Has Aids".

Recently a group of very upset Christians burned their TV license slips outside the BBC offices because The Jerry Springer Opera was shown on BBC 2. I went to see the play at the theatre last night, and yes, it is unbelievably offensive. Jesus wears a nappy, admits he is a bit gay, and shakes his very fat body all over the stage. I can understand that they are annoyed, they have paid for the BBC to be run, which is supposed to be a public service channel, and the BBC run a programme that makes songs God finding it hard being God and insults their religion continuously. The BBC has an obligation to not offend. If it was on Channel 5 or a paid for Digital channel maybe it would be ok.

What I can't understand however is the press coverage and the general opinion on the use of swear words. It was reported that there are over 8000 swear words in the show. It lasts for 2 hours, and 20 minutes, or 8400 seconds, which barely gives time for a breath between each curse, but what you have to realise is that when the cast of 40 all sing a song, they count the swear word 40 times. In a four second segment of one song, if you add up all the swear words you hit over 250! So when anyone complains about the swear words, they are merely complaining for the sake of complaining and clearly haven't seen the play, as the play says them in humorous ways, and not one after another. I will gladly listen to anyone who hated it because of the content or any other reason, but complainers who just complain when they have no idea what they are complaining about are worse the the satirically clever play. Yes, satiracally clever. Just like South Park is brilliant in it's observations but complained about because the people haven't actually watched it or understood it. Jerry Springer the Opera is brilliant. But not suitable for BBC TV.

Going to go for curry now.

... road movie!

2005-01-16T14:56:00.000Z

Last night I watched "A Straigt Story" which is a David Lynch road movie, and decided that I really want to make a road movie when I am a pro film maker. When I get things like this into my head, immediately ideas start bursting out all over the place ... firstly I want to make an improv road movie, in that I go on the road with some friends and equipment and we act out scenes that we write as we go along influenced by the places we visit, but ensuring that there are characters and an overall plot that is pre decided.

Also, I wanted to make a road movie about two internet lovers, one of which goes in search of the other by way of a road trip. They have a picture of their lover, but what the movie watcher knows is that the person is actually a lot more ugly than the picture makes them out to be. Throughout the movie we expect that when they finally meet and realise how grotesquely ugly one of them is they don't get it on, but the final niceness is that they fall in love regardless because of everything they went through on the trip.

The only problem with my second idea is that I realised that the film Euro Trip was very similar in that a guy goes on the road to meet his internet lover blah blah blah. And, Euro Trip was a load of rubbish.

I think I will stick with the improv road movie. Oh, and just to comment, "A Straigt Story" has the nicest ending, and is a great great film.

... happy new year

2005-01-13T13:33:00.000Z

Well hello there,

I haven't posted for a while, having been busy doing nothing at home and then moving back into university, but figured I should as Alex said that he had been reading my blog and I wanted him to be pleasantly surprised for being given something new to read and for being mentioned in my blog. As you can see my grammar and punctuation is suffering due to working in TGI Fridays where literacy isn't a job requirement. Anyhow, although I did post once already this month, I want this to be the official new year posting! So happy new year.

A few stats to compare to if I am still writing this at the end of the year ...
Current Bank Balance ... £4262.71 (but I do owe a lot of rent and tuition fees)
Current Weight ... 13 stone 3 pounds
Current Waist Size ... 34 inches
Jack's Score 13/01/04 ... 4
Jill's Score 13/01/04 ... 3
Scores for Assessed Work ... 67, 73
Songs on iPod ... 897
Films made (university or otherwise) ... 3

Before I go to do an essay, a few thoughts on films I want to make soon ...
Pearshaped in Fitzrovia which I blogged about a while back is a comedy club that is really really bad. I wanted to make a documentary about the guys there, and did some great sucking up ("you are all struggling artists, helping one another to get to their ultimate dream of becoming famous comedians, and I am a sstruggling artist who would like to join in this group to help me to one day become a famous film maker") but it hasn't yet worked, the main man Antony refusing to let film crews or cameras into the club. His main reason ... his fear of people being able to watch him. So why work as a stand up comic?
Secondly, I watched Jump Britain the other night which was amazing. Undoubtedly I will be free running all over the Southbank over the next few days, but the problem is I'm really bad at it. So, I want to capture that on film, almost a spoof of the entire parkour philosophy. Do it badly and capture it on film. For more about parkour visit UnbanFreeForm. It's awesome.

... it's too easy to scam restaurants

2005-01-04T01:01:00.000Z

How on earth do the people I work with in a restaurant manage to fund their drug addictions? You do have to wonder considering they are on minimum wage and when they have such bad people skills that they can't actually be earning tips. Well it's because of how easy it is to steal from the company! Not silly stealing like in a shop when you nick a magazine or a belt, but sophisticated stealing. Let me suggest some of the simpler scams that are helping the drug takers.

The Two Bills On One Table Scam
A guest pays their bill in cash. They leave and an other guest sits down. You add their order to the last guests bill and admit to the manager you have fucked up and put two guests on one bill. They then delete the first guests bill which you are supposed to put through on another table and pay off. Instead, don't and keep the cash.

The BOGOF Scam
Your restaurant hands out buy one meal get one free vouchers. You put them in your pocket and fill them out at home, then use them whenever someone pays cash. You put the cash in your pocket and hand the voucher in as payment.

The Buffet Scam
Two people order two buffet lunch and two refill drinks. Happens all the time. So just put it through the till once and print the same bill for every table. Then you only have to hand in one lot of cash at the end of the day.

The Bar Scam
A customer gives you money, you make the drink, you put the money in your pocket and don't put it through the till.

It's wrong and annoying when some people are trying to do their job honestly and others around them are making double the money being dishonest with no punishment. Worse, the manages are all on drugs as well! Oh well.

... sales suck

2004-12-27T11:58:00.000Z

You know that there is something wrong when at the NEXT sale where my borther is working a customer decides to defecate (that means crap) on the floor next to the escalator. Yes, they just decided randomly to pull down their trousers and defecate. A big adult size defecation caught on the security cameras. To make things worse, when other people saw this they then threw up all over the shop. You have to love January Sales in Essex.

... Ho Ho Ho

2004-12-26T01:54:00.000Z

Well although this isn't why I am writing, I should really start by saying merry christmas.

I really want to note what happened at the comedy store the other night before it becomes irrelevant! Basically Emeka and I went to the comedy store but it had sold out so we found another comedy club in Tottenham Court Road area called Pearshaped in Fitzoria, which seemed promising as it only cost £4 for students. However when we got there we soon discovered that the audience was made up of the two of us, then the 8 comedians each waiting to go on, and one comedian brought his friend and wife. No other punters! Of course this meant that the comedians couldn't pick on Emeka and I as we were the only ones who would laugh at their jokes. Not only that but they were all really really really bad! They read off of their hands, off of scraps of paper, told the worst jokes and often couldn't finish their sentences. I even guessed the punchline to one joke about 5 minutes before the guy had finished, and when I asked if that's where it was going he just went and sat down. Another comedian was actually mad, in that before he came on we were told he was mad, and that the managers were worried he was being exploited by the comedy club! Fortunately the guy in charge said if less than 8 punters came he wouldn't charge. The entire evening was so bad, it was like a "Failed Comedians Anonymous" meeting. Anyhow, I got thinking and realised it would make a great documentary, the Pearchaped Comedians Therapy Sessions. Will start it in the new year.

Watch this space.

... too much

2004-12-24T01:59:00.000Z

How weird that in my last entry I spoke of life being mundane and full of nothing as last night's events couldn't have been further from that. It started when Emeka and I went to the comedy store and these are all the weird things that happened...
1. For no reason what so ever the guy infront of me asked me if I supported Chelsea FC, and then at that exact moment Eidur Gudjohnsen (Chelsea player) got out of a cab.
2. Then on the one night we decide to go to the comedy store is the one night they have had a technical hitch and didn't have enough tickets for us. So we went to a comedy club in Charlotte Street found in a "What's on in London" guide.
3. Before we went in we tried to find a KFC, which seemed to take at least 20 minutes of walking from centre point, yet when we finished our chicken it only took 5 minutes to walk back.
4. When we got down to the comedy club we realised that we were the ONLY punters! The rest of the audience was made up of the other comedians, a woman who was a comedian's wife and a man who was a comedian's friend.
5. On the way back from the show we bumped into Alex Sibley, a contestant from Big Brother 2 on Channel 4 who went to our school. (Yes, very random.) We asked him why he wasn't in panto and he said that he had been sacked because recently some guy had walked out in front of his car and died, though Alex was quick to point out that he didn't kill the man as it was the man's own fault, and that the panto people thought this would result in bad publicity.
6. We walked past a water sports shop selling diving equipment like flippers and masks alongside the river thames, where no one would ever dive.
7. We tried to sneak into the Goldman Sachs christmas party, even more coincidental considering I had to research investment banks this week.
8. I had to sleep in the corridor of my university halls because I couldn't sleep near Emeka's snoring.

I must stress that these out of the ordinary happenings are a few out of many. My evening was the most surreal ever. Point 4 gave me a great idea for a film though. We talk more in my next entry.

... nothing

2004-12-22T13:01:00.000Z

Hey ho,

I'm back home in Essex, back working at TGI Fridays, and back to a fridge full of things to eat. The problem with life in Essex, life at TGI Fridays and life near a full fridge is that time can pass very quickly and you find yourself a year later still in Essex, still at Fridays and still eating from the fridge. It's quite depressing, being at work and knowing that most of the other waiters on the shift haven't been there as long as you, especially when the job was never meant to be a serious one. Though I'm far from being the worst off, there's a guy who pulls the food down from one counter and puts it onto another counter who has been there since the restaurant opened. You also find that when stuck at Fridays, nothing else goes on in your life. You have no special things to comment on, hence the very few entries to my blog lately. So tonight I head back to London to go to a comedy club and play GTA with a friend.

... the last straw for the last supper

2004-12-16T01:11:00.000Z

Am I the only person offended by these images? It's not that they insult my religion, (though they do) but more that it is socially acceptable to offend Christianity but not anything else. If there was a picture of Martin Luther King wasted on the floor there would be outrage. If there was a picture of the Budha chowing down on a load of burgers there would be outrage. But this is acceptable? It's not as if the image you see has been taken from a late night TV show that you have the choice to watch, but instead it is on one of the biggest poster board displays in London, illuminated at night time, and there in my face every time I leave my building. And not just the one poster, but the two are deliberately placed along a road so you drive past one and then the other. Double standards people! They have to take this down to respect Christianity in the same way that even though I am not black I would not want a racist poster being forced on me everytime I leave my building. Channel 4 usually rock, but today they suck.

... are you a Google Icon?

2004-12-15T13:32:00.000Z

Ever typed your name into google? Well I feel that your presence on google goes far to signify your importance on this tiny little planet in the vast open space of the universe. For instance, if you type in your name to Google and find that the first web page actually talks about you, not just someone else with your name, then you can assume that you are the most important person in the world with your name! You are a Google King/Queen. Even better, if you do an image search and find a picture of yourself at the beginning you are a Google Icon. And ok, if you are in the top ten then you can consider youself a Google Prince or Princess. Also we should note what exactly the first page is if it is completely unappropriate. When you type in Michelle Peters, the name of my seminar teacher, you are given "Mistress Michelle Peters Dominatrix". This makes you a Google Whore. If the website is really boring and lame, you are a Google Loser and if you are given "no web sites matched your search" you can consider yourself a Google Nobody. So search your name now, and endeavour to become the most important person with your name.

... pretty girls can be so ugly

2004-12-15T01:15:00.000Z

I just went to a party to see a friend and was let out of the main gate by a fashion student at my university. There was another party at my own flat, so I was going to make an appearance. The fashion girl told me to send some of the guys from my party to her party. I said no, and if she wanted to see the guys then she should just come to my flat party and that I would walk with her and her friend to my halls so that they didn't have to walk alone. I have to point out now that this girl was of no interest to me what so ever because A. she was foolish enough to spend over £100 on what could only be described as a featureless piece of fabric B. She was drunk C. I have a beautiful amazing girlfriend. Also, had two of them not applied (She was not drunk and I was not with my girlfriend perhaps) I still wouldn't have had any interest in her. But this girl seemed to think that I was PRIVILEGED to be walking with her. She said that my outfit looked awful and that being with her would make me look better. She then said to her friend "we must look so easy following this guy we don't know back to his flat" and when I said that I wasn't interested in her anyway she said "Oh yeah because YOU are out of OUR league?" at which point I shut my flat door in her face and left her to walk home through Elephant and Castle alone. She was probably the least attractive "pretty girl" I have ever met.

... Channel 5 did really well

2004-12-14T11:08:00.000Z

Channel 5 really did well last night with a programme called "Is She Going Out With Him?" which tried to explain why some really ugly blokes attract beautiful women. It was the jokey genius documentary that we used to get on channel 4, pure entertainment with no harmful elements unless you are Mick Hucknall, who was particularly picked on. I looked for more information on Mick Hucknall by typing his name into google and the first site on the list was 1000 People More Annoying Than Mick Hucknal with his own Simply Red Online having to come second. Poor Mick. Oh well, he has had some very beautiful girlfriends.

For those interested, I got the researcher job at the animation company! We will be working on a series about a group of indian ten year olds, the main character being a ten year old Sachin Tendulkar (who is actually an Indian cricket superstar). Think of Recess with indian children, the main one plaing cricket. I start very soon, and they are paying me a very nice sum of money.

... a Tribble Tibute

2004-12-12T13:58:00.000Z

Trevor Tibble deserves this tribute song because he is great, and I have (accidently) done too many horrible things to him. He's still nice to me which either means he still likes me and is very forgiving, or he is nice to people whether he likes them or not. Either way he is great, that's why I wrote this song...

Oh Trevor,
I put your head through the ceiling the other day,
I said that you turned your ex girlfriend gay
Oh Trevor please hear what I have to say.

Oh Trevor,
I insulted people who go through clearing,
But that is not really my true feeling,
Oh Trevor losing your friendship I am fearing.

Oh Trevor,
I hit your face on the elavator door,
I threw your phone down onto the floor,
Oh Trevor you are so poor.

Oh Trevor,
I even insulted you in that last bit,
I asked you about your exgirlfriends tit,
Oh Trevor I deserve such a hit.

Oh Trevor,
We are very close to the last line,
I just want you to know what I feel in my mind,
Oh Trevor you are just so kind,

Oh Trevor,
Thank you for being my friend,
I hope all the bad things I can mend,
Oh Trevor this is The End.

... interesting internet

2004-12-09T21:39:00.000Z

Lots and lots of internet goodies to tell you about! In order of importance from least to first ...
Multimap allows you to see an aerial photograph of anywhere with a postcode! What's even better is that if you move the mouse over the map it gives a transparent road map so you know what you are looking at. You have to see it to understand how brilliant it is.
WayBackMachine is a clever tool for finding websites you liked before they sold themselves to stupid advertising companies. You simply type in the URL and then it shows you an evolution of the site.
Political Test shows you what party you actually support by answering a series of question. Was great for me as I wasn't entirely sure where I fit in, and it puts you on a great scale. Apparently I'm a "Socialist Democrat" who is bordering on being a "Centrist". By clicking some buttons it shows you who you should vote for, what party you follow, and which celebrity you are most like. Worried as I appeared very close to Darth Vader.
RapidWeaver is a brilliant website creating tool. I don't just mean brilliant, I mean one of the best for ease of use and speedy generation. I created this ... My Main Site ... within an hour. And it lets me post all of my university films really quickly as well. Only problem is that it is hosted on my own laptop, so you can only actually look at it when I am connected to the internet and my computer is turned on. Sorry ... will try and find a server to use.
Clutter is the must have free piece of software. It has to be the one music interface that actually makes iTunes look stupid, most of all because it uses iTunes in the background. What it does is it takes the song you are playing in iTunes, and finds the cover-art from the CD on the internet. It then lets you drag that to your desktop. Do this with all your albums and it looks great, then all you do is right click on the album cover on your desktop and it lists the tracks which you can choose from. It's like having your entire CD collection at your fingertips the way you wanted them. Download it (and iTunes if you don't have it yet).

Once you have worked your way through that lot it should be 4am.

... so many movies

2004-12-07T16:32:00.000Z

Haven't heard from my job interview yet, but not that worried about not getting the job. An early New Year's Resolution is to get a job in the new year to fit around my 2nd semester timetable. Only specification is it has to be a job in media.

In the past few days I've seen 3 films at the cinema, (Bridget Jones 2, Collateral, Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind) spent 6 hours in our university cinema watching student films and am putting myself through another movie tonight. Then I'm going to the cinema on Thursday to see Napoleon Dynamite. Worried I may be overdoing the whole cinema experience. My film degree is already harming movie-going as I can no longer watch a film without thinking about where the camera was placed, the shot composition, shot dialectics, the use of surround sound, blah, blah, blah. It's hard for a film to be just 'entertainment' now.

But then again, Bridget Jones 2 was hardly entertainment to begin with. They took a very successful movie, that was successful for a number of reasons and tried to make it again by literally making it again with the same scenes and jokes. What they didn't realise is that the first time it was funny because it was original. Stupid Sequels.

Collateral was entertaining and had many very funny, but very cheesy moments. Didn't take much intelligence, was very much like the film Phonebooth (in that innocent guy ends up in dangerous situation, FBI think he is guilty of the crimes, local cop finds out he is innocent, but incase you think I have ruined the plot, all I did there was describe Phonebooth) but it has some very original clever moments, and a better ending than phonebooth. And it only cost a pound to see! Prince Charles Cinema is doing Monday Movies £1 for the whole month! And it was perfect as it was screened straight after ...

Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind is probably one of the most intensely clever films I have ever known, in that it is constantly thinking about what the film is about and constantly aware of itself. It follows Jim Carrey having a memory erasing operation, and looks both inside his head as his memories are erased and outside his head at what is going on at the time. Minor details like the blurring the faces of people Jim never actually saw or the erasing of titles on books is incredible and all done in a very 'home movie' look as many memories are in that exact form. Watch it to see brilliant cast members playing roles not usual to them, and a script and visuals that you couldn't even contemplate coming up with. Very intelligent film.

THE END

... there are links in my blog

2004-12-03T21:32:00.000Z

My job interview went ok, and hopefully I will hear on Monday whether or not I have got the job. It seems they already have a lot of people wanting to be 'project manager' or 'team leader', but were very interested how I might apply myself to the role of "Liscensing and Merchandise". WIll let you know soon.

Things to do in London this Christmas include the always magical ice skating at somerset house, throwing yourself down a giant snow slide next to the tate modern (couldn't find a link, but basically you pay £2 to sit on an inflatable donut and slide down an artificial snow hill), and going to see a play called His Dark Materials. I've got to get tickets for the play for Alison for Christmas. Don't wait for my 'review' though, because tickets will be sold out by the time I get to go, and it won't ever be on again!

Always worried about the lies that are told on television news, I was glad to see that this woman made a stand. She was a translator for the deaf in Ukraine, and the anchorwoman on the news channel was declaring the winner of the election as Viktor Yanukovych, but instead the translator signed to the deaf viewers "I am addressing all the deaf citizens of Ukraine, Our president is Yushchenko. Don't believe what they say. They are lying." Brilliant. But not the part about the rigging of the election.

In 'The Simpsons' tonight on channel 4, Homer got himself a computer so he could make his own website! He wasn't getting any hits, so decided to post rumours and gossip about various people on a blog! What a great idea! But as he soon realised, doing this not only results in the loss of all your friends, but also you become trapped on an island, given a number, and you are stalked by a big white balloon whenever you try to escape.

Congratulate me for putting links into my blog!

... people may read your blog!

2004-12-03T01:46:00.000Z

I know that these blogs are published on the world wide web, but something that never occured to me was that someone may actually look at it and read it. I just didn't expect it, but it was thrown to my attention when someone added a comment, agreeing with what I had said! Now I have to be constantly concious of the image that I am putting out to the world, and aware of the things I am actually saying. I can't just say something as a joke and expect people to not take offence. I can't type my deepest secrets, or more importantly other people's secrets. I can't even ... (sorry I couldn't type what I was going to type because people may read this). Bloggers beware, people do actually read your blog!

... hire me!

2004-12-01T23:41:00.000Z

I got a job interview! A company called QI UK Ltd sent an email around advertising job vacancies on their new animation project. What's weird is that they sent it to Law students at LSE?!? Why don't the Media students at SouthBank get these emails? Luckily I have a great girlfriend who studies law at LSE who keeps an eye out for such things for me. So I applied, and they want me for an interview on Friday! It's a real job in media. The only minor smallprint is that the cartoon series they want people to work on isn't for English prime time TV, but for an Indian TV network. Any Indians who would like to tell me what kind of cartoon they like?

Wow ... an entire entry and I didn't moan.

... moan moan moan

2004-11-29T23:41:00.000Z

The other day I was describing to a friend what a 'blog' was, but they pointed out to me that I was describing a rant site, just somewhere to moan about the world and think someone is listening. I didn't like that, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Right now I am so troubled by so many things and feel the only way to get it out is onto some lame arse website. It's a sort of therapy, but in honesty it does tend to work.

My latest rant is still at wasters in my class, but this time more on their general selfishness and inconsideration. Just little things, like not playing your music through speakers in a computer lab, because it disturbs those around you. Or not playing on the internet, searching (as Maria did) for 'nice black boys' or 'chocolate men' on a yahoo search engine, but using the time and facilities for what they are meant for. Or not feeling the teptation to cover the whiteboards in graffiti of love hearts or football teams. These people do not deserve grants from our government to help them go to university. That money could be used to pay for a better NHS for example, or helping those less fortunate, or tax reductions.

Someone once said "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all", so I better stop typing.

... Television Rocks

2004-11-26T20:48:00.000Z

From 9pm tonight is The Simpsons, Have I Got News For You, then QI. Then tomorrow when I wake up we are graced with One Tree Hill on Channel 4. I Love My TV! Oh and when there is nothing on, I have discovered that I can plug a little cable into the side of my PowerBook, and it uses the TV as a second monitor, not mirroring what is on my screen, but as an extension to my desktop! Anyone who knows what I am talking about will know that this rocks. Everyone else will think I'm a geek. Trouble is the TV Liscence men keep sending me letters, because they know I don't have a liscence. They wanna pay me a visit to check if I have a TV. The fine is £1000! But what is great is that I don't HAVE to open my door. Hahahahaha! I say free TV Liscence for students, especially media students.

After our lecture a couple of weeks ago questioning what can be done to manipulate the photos we see, I have been fascinated with this internet site. It asks people to compete in making the best fake picture based on a particular theme. To see the true amazing ones, look at galleries titled B2B, but other than that they are all amazing.

Oh, and anyone in London, Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square does movies for a pound on Monday! Let's all go see Fahrenheit 9/11 this Monday night!

...if you're not early, you're late

2004-11-24T23:11:00.000Z

Hey there Simon fans!

Today our lecture was replaced with an 'essay workshop', which I thought may have been valuable, I haven't had to write an essay for several years, and have never done an essay required for a university degree. I was expecting standard ways of printing your work, (size 12 font, justified, in Arial ... not size 16, left aligned, in Comic Sans) which should be known by university students anyway, but instead 10 minutes were spent highlighting how to use APOSTROPHES! I know how to use an apostrophe. If you ever see me using one in the wrong way, it is not because I think that's how it is supposed to be used, but that I have made a typing error. How many more lessons are we going to spend doing things that should have been covered in primary school?

I went to a 'faculty meeting' to discuss problems on behalf of my class, and the teaching body have decided that they have to do something about people waltzing in late. How many more lessons are going to be interrupted by the inappropriate rudeness that would not be accepted in primary school?

And finally, some dude named 'Elton' in one of the halls of residence was playing music loudly at 3am. One of his neighbours knocked on his door and asked him to turn it down, then returned to bed. Elton didn't like this, and left his room to confront his neighbour, who by then had gone back to bed. So Elton set off the fire alarm to force the guy to leave his room and go to the courtyard, where Elton intended to beat this guy up infront of everyone. The guy seeked refuge in the common room, and Elton smashed a window with his fist to get to him. All of this in front of other students and the fire brigade. Thankfully Elton has been kicked out of university. This isn't even primary school behaviour, this is lunacy!

If I've got my facts wrong, please let me know.

... Welcome To My Blog

2004-11-23T23:37:00.000Z

Just started this blog, let me know if you read it! Had a lecture, same annoying idiots talking all the way through it loud enough to disturb those who are there to learn. Asked a girl today why she was at university if she didn't enjoy it, and why doesn't she just quit ... her answer "because my dad will kill me." Then I asked her how she can afford to go to university when she doesn't enjoy it ... her answer "I don't pay for it, the government pay for me because I live in London and I'm poor" ... what can I say? The government are wasting money on people who don't deserve it, surely there should be some sort of test to see if they actually deserve the money to go to university, not just "because they are poor".

Found this website ... www.blogger.com Let's you create a blog for free! Use it!